what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
