Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
