just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
