My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
