the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
