Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
