Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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