I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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