She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
