I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
