I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
