I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
