Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
