Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
