After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
