I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So vagazzling was a success
I love you. Go after that dick
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
