Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
