Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
