I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You can't special order awesome
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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