the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
