My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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