I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
