Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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