the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
