I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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