She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
