You made me cry and you don't even care
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
