I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
