Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
