Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
