Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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