I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
