erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
