my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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