If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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