plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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