its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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