Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
