You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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