you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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