I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
