I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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