Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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