Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
