They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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