So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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