Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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