Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
