Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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