I want to have your abortion
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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