We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
