Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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