Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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