Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
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I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
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He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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