eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
