apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
