I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
