I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
