glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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