TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
