just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
