Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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