Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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