The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
