this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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