sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
