I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
