He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
