I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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