I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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