Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
