So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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