never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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