the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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