If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
zippers are such a cool invention
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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