When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
