i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
