oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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