You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
