First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
